Δευτέρα 8 Φεβρουαρίου 2010

And pain is just a simple compromise

I'm not okay...
Once again. I know it happens pretty often.
And i don't want this. This is not me.
This is not Maria. This is not what i want to be. Why?
Why?
Shouldn't i feel alive?
Believe me... I try SO hard not to think of it but i just can't.
My mind reminds me...All the time... Those lies...
And i'm crying. Non stop. You see? It's not me. It's not me,i never cry.
I never cry because i want to. They make me cry.
Again,and again,and again. It hurts me =( It tumbles down EVERYTHING i've built!
Why?!When he's not here i'm a ghost. I'm a nothing. I don't have life, i don't exist.
I am so miserable. I am so sensitive. And it's
exhausting... I destroyes me, it eats me, it buries me alive. And now it's hard to breath. Why do i have to get through this torture?It's painful.I don't want this.I don't..I really don't want this.
He is my oasis. But when he's gone...When he's gone i'm lost... My heart is lost in chaos.My feelings are burnt... And i'm drowning in my tears.
Asphyxiation.Suffocation. I promise i tried, i tried to be alright,to sleep at night but i can't! It's the lack of oxygen. Every single night the same things... I can't concentrate. I can't sleep. I can't relax. I can't close my eyes and see beautiful things. All i see is pain... All i feel is pain... All i touch is pain...Why can't i just..I don't know...
Where's the happiness they had promised to me?Where's the happiness 'God' promised to me?
When Constantine's gone,when he's away i can't live. I can't live normaly. I can't eat,i can't drink, i can't breath,i can't sleep, i can't feel anything. The time stops there for me. And i... Uh...Forget it.


the drugs began to peak
A smile of joy arrives in me
But sedation changes to panic and nausea
And breath starts to shorten
And heartbeats pound softer.

You wont try to save me
You just want to hurt me and leave me desperate.

You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine.

You won't leave me alone
Chisel my heart out of stone
I give in everytime.

You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine

I bet you laugh
At the thought of me thinking for myself (myself)
I bet you believe (bet you believe)
That I'm better off with you than someone else

Your face arrives again
All hope I had becomes surreal
But under your cover's
More torture than pleasure
And just past your lips
There's more anger than laughter
Not now or forever will I ever change you
I know that to go on I'll break you, my habit

You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine

I will save myself.